It's NYE, peeps. Incase you didn't know.

Oh, New Year's...... does anyone else find it completely ironic that New Year's is the time we are supposed to be setting new goals and trying to better ourselves for the upcoming year, yet probably 80% (or more) of the adult (or teenage) population is out trying to forget all their problems by getting drunk? Kind of funny if you ask me.  Not that I have anything against those that choose to drink on New Year's, or in general for that matter, I have definitely been there and have absolutely nothing against people who do. Plus I enjoy watching trashed people because it is downright hilarious. Then again, I can't think of one Holiday that hasn't been corrupted or commercialized at this point.  Good thing that my family always does the cheesy traditions that actually make us remember why the Holiday is even celebrated.  Thanks Kenda and John for that one. (That may sound sarcastic, since that is my usual tone in most everything I say, but I actually am serious.)  My New Year's will be spent going to PF Chang's with my close friends for some delish chinese food and kickin' it low key. I cannot help but think of Hangover 2 everytime PF Chang's is mentioned.

Alan: (as they are walking through the temple) What is this, a PF Chang's? 

So hilarious.  My love for completely bizarre, inappropriate movies is enriched by watching that movie.
Anywho, on a more serious note, or maybe not so serious, depending on your response, what are everyone's New Year's resolutions? On a serious note, I think my main one is to stop talking about everything I want, and actually do something about it. Less talk, more action peeps. As Nike would say, (as if Nike is a person) Just Do It!

Sidenote: my previous post was done at like 3 a.m..... instead of sleeping, I decided to write my thoughts about every single thing going through my mind about my life. Coincidentally, my racing mind was the cause for not being able to sleep. Crazy, right?

Everyone (and by everyone, I mean the 3 people who actually read this, if that) have a fun and safe New Year's!

Disappearance

My disappearance as of late from the blogging world is quite an understatement. Needless to say, the past year of my life has been one of the weirdest ones yet. Still awaiting the verdict from the jury whether this is good weird or on the contrary. A lot of change has taken place. Change in my surroundings. Change in what I am becoming. Just change. And a lot of it. I feel like I am at a better spot in my life now than I have been in quite a few years. That doesn't mean that I'm also not more lost than I have ever been. Change brings uncertainty, which isn't always necessarily a bad thing, but not always a good thing either. Trying to find my identity as an individual and where my life is taking me..Hell, where I even want it to take me, while dealing with my insecurities and past. Sometimes change brings loneliness. In my case, it definitely has. Standing up for yourself, your beliefs, your life, it all can bring loneliness. If standing up for your life and where it leads you was easy, then everyone would do it. Majority of people fail to take control of their lives and settle with mediocrity. That is something I'm not okay with. I take pride in the fact that I am one of the strongest people I know. I may not have to overcome obstacles in my life like not having food or shelter, I have been blessed with a hard work ethic to keep myself above water. But I do face many obstacles that I face head on. Two years ago, I may not have been able to say that I know what I deserve in life, let alone fight for it. I have dreams and passions, and instead of spending my time in bars or getting drunk to try and forget the stresses of my life, I am facing them. This is more than I could say for myself five years or even six months ago. Instead of indulging in various unhealthy outlets that never lead to solutions or happiness, I am happy to say I am facing them in a healthy way. Wasted money and time on late nights out and days doing nothing but sitting at home watching Netflix feeling sorry for myself have been replaced with studying, reading, cooking healthy foods, volunteering, exercising, and looking for new interests. I have a long way to go and much to work on, but I am proud to say that I am happy with the path I am on. I am unhappy with where I am as far as my weight goes. Its a cloud raining over me that I have to make disappear or I will forever be drenched by this horrible feeling. I beat myself up about it too much, telling myself: "Janna how did you let yourself get this bad?" Diet and exercise is being re-introduced into my life, and even though I am extremely impatient and want results now, I know it will come with time and I will feel better.  I need to make many more improvements before I will even feel like I'm even close to being in the same realm as my full potential in life. Then again, what's the point if we don't always have something we are working towards? Sometimes many things at once, in my case especially. With this breakthrough and changes I have been going through over the past year brings up the question of where I really do want my life to go. I have a passion for computers, and am close to obtaining my Bachelor's in Software Engineering. Who knows, maybe a Master's degree will follow. I have various interests ranging from cooking and crafting to reading and writing, to computers and traveling. However, one of my passions that I hold close to my heart has always been volunteering and helping those in need. In high school I won awards for completing hundreds of hours of volunteer service, ranging from helping kids learn to read to math tutoring to helping handicapped kids play sports. I would really love to get involved in a program helping less fortunate children. I currently volunteer when I can at the Utah Food Bank, but I want to do more. I want to make a difference. However cliche this may sound, the movies Blindside and Finding Forrester, those types of movies inspire me. Helping a child who comes from nothing, but have so much potential, reach great heights. That is what I would truly love to get involved in. I know this is something I can definitely accomplish down the road. Right now my biggest obstacle is getting out of this anti social wall I have built up. In order to stay strong with certain choices I am making in my life, I have had to isolate myself. Now that I am a stronger person from that, I need to break out of this isolation, get out there and find those that have the same beliefs of me and actually make me feel uplifted. So many things on my mind, and much to work on. As always, I will grab life by the horns and tread on. That is my soapbox for now. I have faith that by keeping myself busy with uplifting activities that are healthy for me, I can reach my potential, and I will eventually find what it is that I want for me in this life. I know that things will happen just as they should be, and I am a lucky girl to realize now all the good things this world has to offer, while drowning out the bad, before it's too late. Less talk about what we want, more action that demonstrates what we want. Okay, end of soapbox/summary of my life, thoughts, and feelings for now. I know it will all work out if I have faith.